The Best Christmas Gift Ever (Besides the Savior and our first born child of course)!!

Michelle outdid herself this year with two gifts that rocked my emotions (exquisite joy on one end of the spectrum and extreme anxiety on the other)!

As we sat down around the tree, giddy with excitement, Michelle handed me the first gift. The large bag was full of tissue paper and at the bottom, there was a small red card with a typed inscription that read:

                    "Good morning my dear and Merry Christmas to you

                    This gift is the start of clue after clue

                    Almost a crossword and scarce on the rhymes,

                    Prepare for a stretch of detective work time!?

Before I go on, I have to pause and say that Michelle is the most thoughtful, creative, woman I know. She invests more of her time and of her self into the gifts she gives than anyone I know. I can't tell you how many hours she spent assembling this gift and others that she gave this year and years past but I will say that by the time I reached the gift I was a little teary eyed and very full of love. Anyways, attached to the inscription was a clue:

                   Clue #1: Greens Crisper

While I like to think I am good at puzzles and games (I love the NY Times crosswords, and am a sudoku champ), the very first clue had me stumped and I definitely had to play a little "hot and cold" to get to it. "Crispers" was the brand on the vegetable drawer in our fridge. >Tangent, as I read this outloud to Michelle she said "It's just called a crisper drawer on any fridge." Duh Garrett, get with it. :)

Michelle may have forgotten that I visit that drawer somewhat infrequently but she patiently guided me to the next clue:

                   Clue #2 Natural luminescence

Now this one was much easier. Can you guess? A window of course. The bedroom window to be precise. 

As you can see, Michelle gleefully documented my hunt, laughing along the way as I stumbled over clues and exclaimed in surprise as I found each one. At the window I found the following clue: 

                   Clue #3 Do not immerse!

At first this one had me stumped. I thought, the bathtub? The baby, don't immerse the baby in the bath tub? Michelle gave me that look that says, slow down turbo. She then gave me a hint that I had often expressed related to this clue. I instantly remembered, 'The hair dyer' of course. 

I always fear that when Michelle sets the hairdryer down in (not on) the sink (empty of course) when she is done (still plugged in but not running) that she is going to get electrocuted (what an awkward word to spell). Hence, don't immerse.  

                    Clue #4 American Anorak

Your guess was as good as mine with this one. I racked my brain and couldn't think of anything. Was this another word for a flag. American flag? Nope. Michelle, seeing my consternation said I could use google for this one. 

An anorak is a basically a warm winter coat. 

In the pocket of my coat I found the following: 

                    Clue #5 I suck at work

At first I thought this was some sort of criticism of my work or perhaps an act of self-deprecation on Michelle's part but then I thought: I know! The vacuum! It sucks while it works. 

And the next clue:

                    Clue #6 Osculation

Not to be confused with oscillation or oculation (not a real word but I thought it was; the word is inoculation). I had to look this one up as well and was confused when I did. 

Here's what google gave me: 

               There is also a mathematical definition of osculate, which is almost like a math                    kiss: when two surfaces or two curves touch in at least three points. The Latin root                word is osculum, kiss, or literally little mouth.

I am a little slow to the up take so I thought. Math? Geometry? And then I started to make progress, or so I thought...'where do two curves meet?' A butt? No. The key here is the second part of the definition...kiss! I kissed my beautiful wife and another clue materialized out of her pocket.What a treat!

                      Clue #7 Garment Locker

This was another easy one. Clothes, obviously, and fortunately we only have one dresser, relying on boxes and bins for our other clothes. To the closet!

On top of the dresser I read the following:

                     Clue #8 Changed frequently on a bottom

Having changed hundreds of diapers over the last three and a half months, this was probably the easiest of the clues, though actually finding the next clue in the mess of diapers (in the dark room while Anderson napped) was another story. 

Michelle was kind enough to retrieve this clue for me.  

                     Clue #9 Full Length for one

This clue could have gone in a NY Times crossword puzzle and most certainly had me stumped. I've heard Michelle use this word dozens of times but kept getting stuck on the word movie. The operative word here was mirror. Full length mirror. 

On the mirror I read: 

                     Clue #10 O after X

I was a little quicker on the up take here and quickly hugged my wife. Soon another clue magically appeared in her hands. 

                    Clue #11 Pooh's Love

Pooh? Like poop. Poop? Winnie the pooh! Honey. Yes that is exactly how my mind works. 

On the honey jar, I found this:  

                    Clue #12 Tangible laptop output

Printer! Done! The clue was the easy part. Slinking sneakily past our sleeping baby was the challenge. 

                    Clue #13 Beauty Consultant on the wall

Another mirror!  

Can you see what I see reflecting in the mirror? The mirror clue was the second to last and another doozy. 

                    Clue #14 I get damp as I dry

I struggled through this one as well, and definitely got hung up on the word damp. Dishwasher, washing machine, tub, sink...uhhhhh...with Michelle's coaxing I was able to finally guess towels (such a clever woman) and found what appeared to be the last clue.  

                   

This one said:          

                  "Congratulations my dear, you've come pretty far

                    But there's still a bit of work before you're the star

                    Oh the places we've gone, oh the places we'll go,

                   This is where we muse on which roads we'll soon know"

                  

                   Clue #15 ____ Talk

I know this one! PILLOW talk! I ran to the bedroom unsure of what I would find, peeled back the blankets and saw a large framed object face down on the bed. 

I suspected what it might be and was thrilled to turn it over and see a beautiful aged world map. Something I had been wanting for ages. We had talked about pinning all the places we'd been and would like to go but hadn't gotten around to getting the map. I was so ecstatic! I began to tear up a little (I know I am a softy...she worked so hard on putting together such a fun, creative trail, showing that she knew me so well, and culminating in a gift that she made, in part). We embraced and I just sat and held my wonderful wife. And to think, this was just the first gift. Merry Christmas Michelle! I love you so much.

Oh ya, the other gift. The last gift I received for Christmas made my cortisol levels and adrenaline spike (Michelle realized after the matter that she should have reordered the gifts so I didn't end with heart palpitations). I opened the box and found within it the same pink, pencil length box I had opened last year when I found out Michelle was pregnant. I chuckled and acted like I knew this was just a joke but my heart was racing and palms sweating as I opened the box and saw not one but two pregnancy tests. To this day, I still don't know how to read or interpret those tests so I looked up at Michelle, a little too wide eyed and said "Wait, so this is negative right?" It was negative (no baby) and if it weren't I would have been able to appreciate and celebrate the news after I woke up from passing out a few hours later. However, I think one little man is enough for me for the next little while. Way to start and end with a bang my dear. :)