Cali N' Titos

Here's another itty bitty post. I wisely purchase the lifetime care package when I picked up Michelle's wedding ring so she gets free cleanings and can have some of the specific etchings refurbished as well. The catch is that the closest Fred Meyer or affiliate is nearly two hours away and not even in a convenient location like Atlanta. Fortunately, there is one in Athens, GA and there just so happens to be a delicious restaurant  there called Cali N' Titos. Last year when I was exploring research topics and partnerships we met up with some folk at UGA who took us here for dinner. It started as a shack but has grown into a huge, themed restaurant. They serve a lot of foods from the south and have some of the best shakes I've ever had.

 

 

Among the many other attractions (rides for kids, fuzbol, music, etc.) they have a little photo booth. Man I look good with an open shirt and a guitar in my hands. But I look even better with my beautiful wife beside me.

My Strange Addiction

If you've ever seen the TV documentary series My Strange Addiction you'd know it "focuses on people with unusual compulsive behaviors" (Wikipedia, para. 1).

And now, on the latest episode of My Strange Addiction, starring Garrett and Michelle Stone: "Monopoly Deal."

We play this game pretty much daily and it usually starts with one of us itching to play saying "do you"..."YES" says the other person knowing what we are going to ask before our sentence is complete. It's a great, simple game with a bit of strategy and a bit o' luck. Michelle tends to beat me most of the time but when I win, I win big (see above). Highly recommend it. The end.

Another Taste of Tranquility...

Spending time with the grands in Orangeville was a treasured part of our courtship and time together in Utah. We couldn't imagine being back in Utah without taking some time to pop down to Orangeville and visit with Gerry and Janice. They are beautiful people living in a beautiful place. 

Life moves a little slower in Orangeville and apparently we do too in our old age (just turned 27...). Here's how our first day in O-ville went. Wake up. Eat Breakfast. Go to church. Eat Lunch. Sleep. Eat Dinner. Go to bed. If every day was sleeping, eating, and a little dose of church, oh what a day that would be. Before you decide we are a bunch of sloths though, cut us a break, we did have a long flight and busy evening the day before.  

Everyday we were visiting started with the same thing: A walk across different parts of town and a bit of weeding in the front yard. Here are a few pictures that Michelle snapped of the sunrise on our walks. Such a nice time to walk hand in hand with my lovely wife, talking, and taking pictures. Treasured times. 

We wanted to do something a little different during this trip so we drove down to Price with the grands and checked out the museum of natural history. It was quite good and had some nice exhibits of Dino bones, sloth and mammoth remains, and historical artifacts from the people who had lived in the area hundreds and thousands of years before.

This picture made Michelle laugh out load. I don't think I could make that face again nor should I try, in danger of hurting myself. My buddy Eric, a puppeteer, would be proud to see me practicing his art.

The looks of terror here (or glee on Michelle's face?) are supposed to reflect the fact that there is a velociraptor behind us. Also, I look like I shrunk an inch or two. Ahhhgggg.

Our stay here was wonderful and a taste of tranquility.

5 Myths About Forgiveness in the Wake of the Charleston Shooting

 

I was listening to NPR the other day and stumbled upon an interview with writer Roxane Gay titled Why I Can't Forgive Dylan Roof (see full interview here: http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2015/06/26/417675859/writer-roxane-gay-why-i-cant-forgive-dylann-roof). While I totally agree with one of her underlying messages, that what Dylan Roof did was a tragedy and he ought to be justly dealt with, I think she may have misunderstood and misrepresented what it means to forgive and why forgiveness matters.

I understand that it can be truly difficult to forgive someone, especially when that someone commits an atrocity like the Charleston shootings. However, I think if you can develop a correct understanding of what it means to forgive, the act of forgiveness will become so much more tangible and personally meaningful. In this post I will describe five myths about forgiveness that if understood will help you deal more justly, forgive more readily, and heal more quickly.

Myth #1: Forgiveness is about the Wrongdoer not the Wronged

While we tend to view forgiveness as some favor or merciful act bestowed upon a person who has wronged us, forgiveness, in reality, is about the forgiver, not the forgiven. In fact, forgiveness has nothing to do with the wrongdoer. Forgiveness has everything to do with you, the person who has been wronged. Think about it—who does your hate, anger, and grudge-holding really affect. When you withhold forgiveness you give the criminal/wrongdoer/perpetrator power or control over your thoughts and actions. You allow their actions to dictate how you feel and what you do. Forgiveness then, is empowering, it is a sign of strength, and it allows you to take control of your life. In contrast, withholding forgiveness consumes energies, faculties, and focus that could otherwise be directed towards more productive pursuits. Free yourself from a heavy burden and forgive!

Myth #2: Forgiveness is a Free Pass

Forgiveness is not a free pass. Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongdoer, nor is its purpose to let the perpetrator sleep easier at night. It isn't a get out of jail free card. You can forgive and still demand and see that justice is served. Take the Biblical anecdote of the woman taken in adultery for example. Yes, Jesus seemed to pardon her for the crime for which she was accused, but he also sent her away with the commission to "go and sin no more." The emphasis here is less on the crime committed and mercifully overlooked, but on the mandate that she "go" and change her life. While not punished per se, the woman was still held accountable—justice was still served—AND if you remember, Jesus was quick to point out that her accusers where far from perfect themselves, something we might keep in mind as we withhold forgiveness and cast judgements of our own.

Myth #3: Forgiveness is Forgetting

Perhaps you've heard the phrase "forgive and forget" but does this idea really hold any water? There are some things that are arguably impossible to forget and it would be irresponsible to do so. You will likely never forget being sexually assaulted nor should you forget and give the perpetrator free reign to victimize or assault again. Remembering is a form of wisdom and can provide us protection against future wrongs or guide us in our future decision making. Rather than making you cynical, it makes you cautious. Rather than forgetting, you can learn to remember differently and feel differently about situations in which you have been wronged.

Myth #4: Forgiveness is a form of White Privilege

The shooting at the Charleston AME church was undoubtedly a crime of hate, a racist act. However, I do not believe (this is admittedly coming from a privileged, White, male perspective) that asking the people of that community to forgive Roof or his family is a form of White privilege. Again, forgiveness isn't about dealing out free passes or absolving people of responsibility. It is about a personal state of mind and decision not to hate, hold grudges against, or become the very wrong that you ought to both forgive and despise. I think you are treading dangerous waters when you construe a freely chosen act of civility as a form of White privilege. Let those people heal in their own way. Let them stand against racism, and modern racism in all its forms ('whiteness', 'white privilege, etc.) without carrying and fostering the hate that promotes racist acts to begin with.

Myth #5: Forgiveness is Conditional

You know you've thought it. I have.
"When he says sorry or makes amends I will forgive...
"When she changes her ways I will forgive...
"I would never do something like that, so why should I be required to forgive such a heinous crime?"

Again, forgiveness is almost totally independent of the person to be forgiven. If someone is willing to hurt you so deeply (whether physically, emotionally, or otherwise) you can reasonably accept and expect that apologies and change will be a long time coming. You may find yourself ruminating and festering for a long time waiting for your wrongdoer to come around, change his ways, or make amends. And this time will be time wasted. Let it go. Don't forget. See it through. Demand justice. But let it go.

Conclusion

Vengeance, grudge holding, and anger are self-consuming. The inability to forgive, even the worst of trespasses will inevitably result in your own demise. Many a life has wasted away worrying more about revenge and wrongs than about moving forward and making things right. I would hate to see our culture and society embrace an anti-forgiveness mentality and head down a slippery slope of self-destruction, inner conflict, and even civil war. Let us choose to forgive.

Stone Family Reunion: Echo Lake House, Coalville, UT

Every other year the Stone Family (Immediately family only) gets together for a family reunion, usually at a campground, lodge, or cabin. This year we ended up at the Echo Lake House in Coalville, UT, a city with a wopping population of just over 1,400 people. To give you an idea of how big the town really is, we were told if we went to their BBQ cookout event scheduled for the weekend we were in town we would have doubled the attendance. 

The lake house itself was better than any of us had anticipated. Located on the edge of Echo Lake, it was furnished with gaming tables, a gym/theater room, basketball and volleyball courts, a jacuzzi tub...the works. We were all pleasantly surprised and feeling a little spoiled by how nice it was. There was a little stress as we drew names for who would be in which room (cross your fingers for the jetted tub—1st world problems at their best) but otherwise it was a very relaxing trip and so nice to be back out West and with family. The picture below doesn't really do it justice but this is the main room of the lodge with expansive windows overlooking the lake and local mountain range. 

We all took advantage of the dart board, air hockey table, card table, and especially the pool table which doubled as a ping pong table.

Andrew and Chelsea also brought along a new game that was classic for Utah and perfect for our family. John, Trevor, Riley and I were outside playing it constantly. The game, Spike Ball, is essentially a shrunken down version of volley ball played on what responds like a miniature trampoline rather than over a net. Essentially you and your teammate have three hits to carry the ball towards and bounce it once off of the trampoline and then the other team has a chance to return it. It was fast paced and so fun.

While Michelle and I lingered around the lodge and enjoyed some of its amenities (e.g. massage chair) or just chatting with family and playing games, we did get out and join everyone for a hike at the Upper Provo River Falls, which were beautiful and which I had not heard of in my seven years of hiking, guiding, and living in the state of Utah.

 

After the hike, we all stopped at an old diner that looked like a classy and tasty place to grab a meal. It was built to look like an old train car and it was in fact a relic of its time and a longstanding site in the area, however, the food was mediocre and Michelle and I were glad we had split our chicken salad sandwich instead of both getting our own meals. No one in our party was particularly excited about their meal but it was nice to be together. 

 

Me with one of my older sisters, Jen. We really enjoyed chatting with her and all our siblings for that matter. It was nice to be reconnected, especially to the non-Utah residents who we see/saw less often.
 

Lots of monopoly deal and skipbo were played around this table. We became a little obsessed and purchased a set of monopoly deal soon after returning home, which we now play constantly. Not sure why I sat so awkwardly...I look more like a growth out of Michelle's back in this picture than my own entity.

At one point we went for a quick jaunt on my parents bikes since their was a paved trail that ran along the lake's edge. The trip was short lived since the trail itself was short and the rain started to fall but I always enjoy getting out with my smart, beautiful, capable wife and exploring on foot or bike or whatever. 

Sadly, all things must come to an end. We took a red-eye flight home with Michelle sleeping on the floor of the Phoenix airport. It was quite miserable but we had a nice sleepy Sunday when we arrived home.

Anniversary. Atlanta. Aquarium. Awesome.

Well our second anniversary is coming up (Woohoo, 2 years!!!!) and we decided that with baby on coming, we'd try to get out and celebrate our special day in a special way. We've been dying to go to the Atlanta Aquarium and had heard that if you ignore the terrible driving and the heat, Atlanta actually has a lot to offer. Our usual visits to the city have been limited to the boundaries of the temple grounds, IKEA, and Costco so we were excited to branch out, eat out, and enjoy ourselves. 

I have become a bit of a sucker for B&B's. I think it something about the home away from home feel, the delicious breakfasts, and the chance to occasionally meet with the owners and other patrons, are what draw me in. Its nice to hear their stories and avoid the sometimes stale and sterile feel of a hotel. Besides knowing that the owner was clanking around prepping food and doing laundry on the other side of a door that I am confident was not sound proof, and the fear that the bed was literal going to break beneath us (just from sleeping of course), this particular B&B was not so bad. 

The name of the place is Ponce De Leon and it is located in a great little suburban neighborhood. Full of life and joggers, and absent of turn lanes, it reminded me a bit of West Hollywood or parts of LA that are just off the beaten path and filled with energy and character.  

The owner, Lana, was a snarky but kind older woman who ran the three room property on her own. She had some interesting experiences to share (which I will divulge later) and interpreted our request for a healthier breakfast option/omelets to mean we wanted semi-greasy bacon covered breakfast sandwich (delicious...but not super healthy). 

We stayed in the cottage suite, which had a Hollywood theme which basically meant it had five or six prominent pictures of Marylin Monroe and a coffee table book of the same subject matter.  All in all, with the swinging daybed, well lit patio, and litter of Christian over-toned romance novels and self help books, the place was neat and left only a few things to be desired.

 

The house cat was a sassy, 'rotund,' albeit friendly little lass with stubby rear legs that she dragged beneath her slow moving body. She was quite adorable but not particularly mobile. We enjoyed her company during breakfast and left in haste to hide our guilt as she meowed to be let out through the door through which we had just departed. 

One of the highlights of the trip was our visit to the aquarium. I had done a bit of advance research and apparently the Georgia Aquarium is supposed to be the largest in the nation. Prior to our visit I had seen the Seattle aquarium, Monterrey Bay aquarium, and Adobon aquarium in New Orleans and none of them really measured up. The sheer (Michelle corrected my miss-spelling 'shear,' giving this phrase a whole new meaning) size of the exhibits and types of species living therein were awe inspiring. We sat and stared for ages in some areas.

The manta rays, whale sharks, and beluga whales were by far our favorite marine animals. Their size and scope was incredible when compared to the scuba divers cleaning the glass beneath them. In fact, the divers were dwarfed by the manta rays' wingspans, which were nearly double in size.

 A sample of some debris and trash. Don't pollute! Save the whales. Literally.

Had to do it. If you can't tell, the sign says "big-bellied seahorse" so of course I begged Michelle to take this picture and she reluctantly agreed. Get it...big bellied. Okay.

Before taking off for Atlanta, we asked around and  got some recommendations for good eats. One of the places was a local, start-up called LottaFruitta. They served smoothies and fruit cups made from fresh fruit in a tiny shop with an Ipad for a cash register and sticky tables. So good. So fresh. Highly recommend it if you need a tasty snack (maybe not for a meal)...and it is right up the street from the Martin Luther King home and historical site (which we didn't have time to visit this time around but hear is fantastic and under frequented).

The other place we went to was called Rias Bluebird. We were significantly under tattooed compared to their other clientele and staff but the place had a nice vibe and a yummy chicken salad croissant sandwich. We would definitely eat there again.

All in all, it was a nice and relaxing trip (despite my occasional anxieties about our timeline). We probably wouldn't got to Ponce de Leon again but might recommend it others and have no regrets. You live and you learn.

Oh and I promised I would talk more about Lana. Apparently she had a dream in which the Holy Spirit told her (And this was supposedly the only time the spirit had talked with her) that she was supposed to marry one of the young unmarried parishioners at her local church. Apparently the head pastor has been pointing him in that direction as well. Cross your fingers and stay tuned (p.s. if you know any local Atlanta parishioners, don't tell them anything, this is our little secret)!