Moab, April '13

 Last April, right after finals, my madre and hermano came down, and we all drove a couple of hours south to Moab for a few days of hiking. I can't suggest going to national parks during the spring enough! The weather was perfect, the parks and camping grounds weren't too bad, and... that's about all I can think of right now. But really, those are the two major drawbacks to any vacation!

We stayed at a HUGE campground by the river. It's essentially a ton of acres with sporadic bathrooms. You find an ideal place, and stake your claim. We, unfortunately, picked a space across from a bunch of foul-mouthed, trashy drunkards who are impressively on their way to cirrhosis and death, among other miscellaneous injuried (in a drunken stupor our second night, they set fire to a soccer ball which they proceeded to kick around the dry scrub, and then burned their couch to the ground). The police were called, but a lone, unprepared representative of the law was the only result, and he was unprepared to adequately confront the 20 partiers. He left them with a warning.

Other than my excessive disdain for the raunch and misfortune of our fellow-campers, the trip was really great. We planned and packed some great food (hobo dinners, dutch oven chicken, breakfast burritos, apple cobbler...), and got to see most of the arches on our priority list. I think the pictures do a pretty good job of conveying the trip. The changing colors of the rock in the shifting sun, the sheer grandeur of the stone and landscape, the flora and fauna, were all breathtaking.

 Oh, but the very last picture? We never did manage to get the balancing rock to "balance" on our heads. Dang.

 I sure do love my manfriend.

 Wall Street

 My mom's camera accidentally got put on a weird setting. It made for some entertaining photos.

Of Fathers and Parenting (Re-Post)

Original post found here.

As Garrett and I have planned and discussed how we want to raise our children, my thoughts have come back to this post I wrote last year (before we were married. Or even engaged... back when I put more thought and frequency into blogging. My contributions to this blog are appallingly lackluster!). As I've come to know and cherish Garrett ever increasingly, I feel he comes to represent all (and more!) that I was looking for in a companion and co-parent. Without further ado...

Over the past year or so I've contemplated writing a post on Fathers. Clearly I either felt inadequate, hesitant, or just not collected enough to do so (my thoughts are likely still not very collected and coordinated, but this post is coming anyway!)

While preparing for the lesson I am teaching this Sunday, I stumbled upon this gem:

*Happy sigh. This video made me smile and want to pump my arms in the air in a most victorious manner.

 Things about this portrayal of fatherhood and parenthood that I love:

Children have a desire to learn. Their world is so fascinating and so many opportunities are available to teach them, to explore, and to make connections. Life is crazy and messy and glorious. It is important that fathers take part in this process, to be a friend and a guardian for their children. Almost anything can be a fun adventure if embarked upon with an appropriate sense of adventure and eagerness (including chores, homework, and eating vegetables!). One of the responsibilities of parents is to foster this sense of exploration and eagerness to learn and experience a variety of things.

I read a blog post awhile ago that also made me want to do a victory pump. It further discusses deliberate parenting: A Curious Mother and a Library Card (also note how awesome the Every Day Learners are!)

Amen! I think so many parents get into the mentality that they are just watching or "baby-sitting" their children; distantly providing the necessities. False! There are so many neat opportunities to learn and explore with your children, to involve them and be involved, to connect knowledge and activities, to help them regulate their emotions and actions and to learn from mishaps and mistakes, to let them see and understand their world, to bake things, make messes, clean them up, to learn of creation and miracles and their Heavenly Father (pardon that run-on sentence...). Anything and everything can be fun and worthwhile if it's made into an adventure. And yes, of course, it can sometimes be exhausting... 'Tis the nature of our mortal bodies and the process of learning and growth.

I also love how he talks of being a co-provider and partner with his wife; they are a team as they provide for the faceted needs of their family. This requires communication, patience, flexibility, love, and intention. Both parents fill very important roles (occasionally these roles merge or need to be filled by the other, thus requiring flexibility and communication!), and it takes planning and coordination to ensure that the needs of each  member in the household are being met.

And lastly, I love how this video connects our roles in mortality to our potential to become like our Heavenly Father. I believe that fathers especially can have such a profound sense of the eternities, progression, and divine fatherhood, just as mothers can likewise learn and experience a similar sense of profundity as they too acquire God-like traits and better understand their divine nature and the role and qualities of our Heavenly Mother. When we examine and explore the relationship we can have with our divine parents, truly understand how close and loving that connection can be, we are softened and filled with wonder, awe, and gratitude at the small miracles we witness. We, even as mortal adults, become as little children as we grow more sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and increase our desire to continue learning and growing. For, even as adults, there is still so much to yet be learned, to apply, to discover and understand. Our Heavenly Father (and Mother!) are very aware of us, provide for us, enlighten us, love us, help us see and connect things of eternal worth to what may so often seem irrelevant and mortal.

By golly, the Lord sure is good to us!

V-Day

I made Michelle cry happy tears...thus Valentines day was a success.

Michelle: I cried many great and large happy tears. I came home to see our wedding pictures playing on the tv, large healthy oatmeal heart-shaped cookies waiting on the table, my lover man studying on the couch, a surprise large present, and the orchid plant my eternal manfriend bought me on our first-month anniversary (which I fear I am slowly killing...dang) dressed up on the counter. It only got better when I walked to the back and discovered letters my lover man wrote to me for future episodes of wardrobe/hair/body dissatisfaction, incompetence, and loneliness. Those were what actually brought the tears to the forefront. *Happy sigh. The large wrapped gift ended up being a rotary board, cutter, and edge! Which is wonderful, since I've been trying to whittle away my bin of fabric. But carpet, patterns, fabric, and scissors just don't make a highly functional team.

After I dried my Valentine's tears, we headed up to Murray where we dined (per christmas giftcard) at the cheesecake factory. Their hamburgers are pretty delicious (I helped myself to some of Garrett's). Then we headed back down to Provo and caught a showing of Frozen. We shared the theater with several geriatrics, most of whom snored in a variety of amusing ways.

All in all, it was a fantastic first "official" Valentine's day.

A Day in Paris

One of my favorite things in the world is surprising and serving one of my favorite people in the world--Michelle of course.  Today our little one-bedroom apartment became a Paris Cafe. Voila!

Maybe you don't recognize this fellow, but under the beret and pointy stache is a fond husband and not a Parisian artisan.

In sum, about five hours of cutting, cooking and pastel-ing all for one thing. To make my wife smile.


Michelle: I have to confess, I'd been planning a celebratory dinner for Garrett's thesis defense. I purchased ingredients on the sly and prepared everything that morning. Halfway through the workday, Garrett sent me a text asking what I wanted for dinner, to which I responded it was already underway. After which followed a few short, mildly suspicious, and curious texts in which we ascertained we each were trying to surprise the other. Well, I think Garrett won this round! Basically I've become a big lovey weeper since I got married, because I walked in the door, saw the arrangement, and started sniffling tears of happiness. Then we got the meal preparations from that morning out, finished the cooking, and dined in the "Paris Cafe". It was lovely.

PS. 100 points for creativity, talent, and resourcefulness! I think we'd be hard-pressed to find the same quality anywhere else in Provo.

Melting my heart one puppy at a time

Garrett: So just when you thought Utah Valley couldn't get any cooler, RENT-A-PUPPY decided to pop up in town. When I first heard of the idea of renting a puppy, my clinical mind (I work at a treatment center) immediately thought dang, these pups are going to have some hard core attachment and adjustment issues. I was a little concerned that between the Michael Vick's of the world and the all male apartment complexes in town we were going to have some headline news and scandals in Provo. And then I held one of the puppies...

Michelle: I too was worried about attachment issues with the puppies, but apparently it really helps them adapt to a variety of people, and the adoptions rates are very high. I think the animal shelter might have better luck finding homes for animals if they employed similar tactics. 

Our little puppy was named Jerry (had we adopted him, I would have changed it), and was twin to ben. I think they are dachsund something mixes, so they are small and fluffy and precious. Jerry began sniff-fest 2014 when we first brought him in, and was able to fit himself between the overhang of the cabinets and the floor. 

After some sniffing, a little bit of human food (chicken...), and a bowl of water, Jerry crawled into manfriend's lap and began to snooze. Hands down the best way he could have promoted a second puppy rental from us. *happy sigh.

God, our Loving Heavenly Father

The scriptures teach us that we are children of God (Acts 17:28-29; Romans 8:16-17; Hebrews 12:9). Of all the names or titles prescribed to God I cannot imagine a more fitting or meaningful title than Father.

I have had many discussions with family and friends recently who have questioned the existence and role of God as our loving Heavenly Father. Here are some thoughts that have helped me to resolve some of my doubts and reconcile some of my concerns with this issue (Yes I have doubts and concerns…we all should and do!!!). 

Nephi

In the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, Lehi has a vision about the tree of life. In subsequent chapters, Nephi, he son of Lehi asks to see what his Father saw and is shown another similar dream. In the dream an angel or the spirit asks him a question and I love his response:

1 Nephi 11:16 Spirit: [Nephi], Knowest thou the condescension* of God??

1 Nephi 11:17 Nephi: And I said unto him; I know that he (referring to God) loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.

Nephi was a great, obedient prophet and yet he didn’t know all the answers to the tough questions of life. What he did know is that God loved his children and that seemed to be enough. 

*Note. Condescension is often used in a derogatory sense. I like this definition from Merriam Webster: "A voluntary descent from one's rank or dignity in relations with an inferior." Though I don't think God sees us as inferior, he does voluntarily descend from his Godly throne to save and help us. Through his Son he came among us and descended below all things.

Joseph

When Joseph Smith was in liberty jail, he was at an all time low and felt to ask:

D&C 121:1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall they hand be stayed…

Joseph was the prophet of the restoration and yet he found himself questioning the love of God, like many of us do (it’s normal!!). 

Here was God’s reply:

D&C 121:7-10 My son [or daughter] (I imagine him addressing Joseph by name here), peace be unto thy soul; thine afflictions shall be but a small moment…thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. Thou art not yet as Job.

And later…

D&C 122: 8-9 All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man (the savior) hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? …therefore fear not what man can do for God shall be with you forever and ever. 

*Note. Job lost everything…his family and friends, his home, land, and all his worldly possessions. And yet, he didn’t lose his faith in God. The beautiful thing about this story is that Job had everything restored to him. He remarried and had a family, he received new lands and wealth. Whether in this life or the next, God will compensate us for our losses.  

You and Me

In a recent church meeting, Michelle and I were reminded we sometimes misunderstand God and His love in a few important ways:

1.       First we think, “If God loves me, why does he allow bad things to happen to me and the people or things I love?

·         The thing we forget here is that because God loves us and wants us to be happy he gives us agency or the ability to choose. Satan wants us to be “miserable, like unto himself” and wanted to take away our agency…now he seeks to cause us to misuse it. Many of the problems we experience in this life are a result of the poor use of our agency or other’s poor use of theirs.

·         One of the underlying principles that makes agency possible is opposition. Trials and temptations test us and allow us to grow but most importantly they allow us to choose whether or not we will return to God…we aren’t forced…how loving and merciful is that!??!

2.       Second, we sometimes misunderstand God’s love and think “If he loves me, he won’t judge me and will overlook my sin.” In this setting love and consequences seem incompatible. This often leads to the faulty argument that if we truly love others we must be “tolerant” to their sins (when in reality we should despise the sin and love the sinner-much like the Savior did with the woman taken in adultery-see .

·         As I have watched my parents and others it is obvious that a parent can give commandments and consequences from a place of love. These commandments are designed to help their children be safe (don’t touch the hot burner) and grow (do be kind to your brother). Consequences are often natural or logical and help us learn. That is our Father in Heaven’s goal. He doesn’t want to punish us, he wants us to learn and grow. *

·         God does judge but he is both just and merciful. He has given us a way to repent and start over at any time. He will be much more merciful than any of us can comprehend; however, he has clearly laid out his law and will measure us against how well we lived it ACCORDING TO OUR abilities, experiences, etc. He will consider it all.**

*Note. There was a great talk given by Elder Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles called Love and Law that explains how God, in the scriptures, can both hold the ancient Israelites accountable (with consequences) and yet Love them. 

**Note. See the Parable of the Divers in Stephen Robinson’s book Believing Christ to better understand God’s mercy in judgment.

3.       Lastly, we often mistakenly think that if God doesn’t deliver WHAT we want, WHEN we want it, he either does not love us, or does not love us as much as he loves others who seem to have perfect lives.*

·         First God is omnipotent and omniscient meaning he knows all things and is all powerful. He can see what we need and when we need it more clearly than we ever could.

·         Second, when there is distance between us and God, it is almost always created by us through sin or guilt. Satan loves to tell us we are not worthy to speak to God or we have been away from him so long that it would be too uncomfortable to approach him again. It’s like when we are out of touch with a friend and keep getting the feeling to call them but keep putting it off. The longer we wait the harder it is to call, the more guilt we feel, until we decide we probably ought to just not call at all. The scriptures teach that God’s arm is “lengthened still…” meaning he is closer than we think, waiting for us to pick up the phone and call. We need not feel uncomfortable or as if it is too late. 

*Note. No one has a perfect life. The people you think are better off than you likely have hidden trials equal to our surpassing your own. Let God be the judge. 

I know I have had a hard time with this principle at times in my life. When we do not have perfect earthly parent or spouse, the principle that God is our loving Heavenly Father is even harder to comprehend.

Having said that, I do know this, learning and gaining faith in this simple, foundational principle: That God is our Loving Heavenly Father has made all the difference in my life. 

No trial has been insurmountable, no amount of guild or self pity has been able to weigh me down, because I know I have divine worth as a child of God, that he loves me, and that if I do the best I can (this does not mean perfection) I can return to live with him again. 

 

Garrett

Prologue:

A few other thoughts came to me as I was writing this post. Particularly, I was struck by the question, why do we need to have a correct understanding of the nature of God, especially that he is our Father? What does believing you are a child of God do for you?

Here's a few ideas:

1. Read Moses 1. Knowing he was a child of God with divine potential allowed Moses to resist temptation and ultimately fulfill his mission as the prophet who brought the children of Israel out of bondage (with God's help of course). 

2. Read 1 Nephi and contrast Laman and Lemuel with Nephi. Nephi was able to put his trust in God because he had a true understanding of who he was. Laman and Lemuel feared man more than God (even when Nephi reminded them that God was more powerful "than Laban and his 50") and they ended up dissenting, digressing and ultimately causing the demise of the whole Nephite race. 

3. Read the story of Job or accounts of the Martin/Willy handcart companies. They were able to endure great trials, loss, and hardship because they knew God was their loving Father. One man from this company said it was worth the price they paid to come to know God. 

The scriptures are rife with examples of why it helps to know God is our Father. At then end of the day it just helps me remember that no matter how crappy this life can be, things will turn out okay in the end. God will make right all the things that we think are wrong about this life. And "that's all I have to say about that." --Forrest Gump